Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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