All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
