The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
