There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
