Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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