I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
