I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
