he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I FOUND THE LEGS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
