I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
