It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They took my balls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
