Your tits are I can't wait for
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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