Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Best friends brother. Beat that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
