Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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