At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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