Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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