I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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