Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
