I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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