There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
