You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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