I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
