i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
