shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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