I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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