i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
