is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We are two peas in an std pod
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
