at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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