I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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