if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
