I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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