Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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