dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
