i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
