My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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