i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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