had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
