grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
