mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
