If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize