We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
