So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
