Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize