One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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