he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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