She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
