We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
