i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
