Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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