so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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