it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
