Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
