What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize