No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
