I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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