my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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