just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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