what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm bleeding and have questions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize