i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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