just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
