I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
