i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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