i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
