omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize