she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
