I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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