she woke up with a sticky ear
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
